Come on.  Admit it.  You roll your eyes every time you hear something like “He’s esthetically challenged” when you are really thinking “Whoa that guy is ugly!”  Or, you wince when you hear “she’s handicapable” when you are really thinking “she’s crippled.”

Now why did you laugh at my first sentence but feel uncomfortable with my second sentence?  Before you call the Thought Police Hotline on me, hear me out.

Do we really think we are fooling anyone with such garbage speak?  Any parent who has ever endured endless participation trophy ceremonies after a youth sporting event knows eventually the child realize the sentiment is cheaper than the piece of plastic used for the trophy.

Don’t believe me?  How many participation trophies are on display in your child’s room?  How many trophies that were actually earned are on display?

People inherently know when self-esteem protecting rituals turn into condescension.  That is why we roll our eyes at well-intentioned people intent on delivering non-offensive language.  They must think we are cerebrally challenged.

The only thing these people accomplish is a loss of credibility.  When someone refers to a bald man as follicly challenged does he really feel better about himself? I submit he feels worse because he knows he is either being patronized or being treated as a mentally challenged person.

The real message being delivered by euphemistic speak is the belief that you are so fragile that you cannot handle reality.  Is that reality?  I do not think it is and I believe most people – except ultra-Liberals – would prefer straight talk.

We are all big boys and girls and should be able to handle such harsh language.  I told my parentally challenged, under privileged, differently abled, undocumented immigrant that he was a person of size. In short I told my poor, illegal alien handicapped foster child that he was fat.  He appreciated my candor.

Personally, I think we are reality challenged if we think calling a hooker a sex worker will make her feel better about herself.  Or, if we attend a wake and offer condolences to the survivors of the living impaired.

What scares me is all these phrases actually exist and someone uses them thinking they are doing something good.  That is one of the differences between those of us that are not mentally abled and idiots.

The refrain of a song called Before the Hyphens Came by Madison Rising sums it up best:

They tell us that they really care but to them it’s just a game

‘Cause we were all Americans before the hyphens came

When people cared ‘bout who you were and less about your name

‘Cause we were all Americans before the hyphens came